


August

by symphorine



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Kuroo Tetsurou, Asexual Ushijima Wakatoshi, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, brief angst i guess, everyone's ace yay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-01
Updated: 2016-11-01
Packaged: 2018-08-28 09:18:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8440033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/symphorine/pseuds/symphorine
Summary: Ushijima has a confession and Kuroo a revelation. It falls into place better than either of them expected.OR: the plot is basically 'what do you mean you're ace oh wait fuck i think i am too' and i love it





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [AANTH zine!](http://enterprisecaptainoikawa.tumblr.com/post/152558830093/aanth-an-aromanticasexualnonbinarytrans) Go check out everyone else' submissions too :D
> 
> this became more personal than i intended to, but i guess it happens every time i write about asexuality. in any case, i hope you guys enjoy the result!

 

Kuroo stared at the text and felt like the text was staring right back at him, eyebrows raised and mocking.

 _We need to talk_. That was definitely not how Kuroo would have chosen to end a conversation, but his boyfriend of six months tended to get to the point and add little else. Usually, it didn’t bother him, but there were still five minutes until Ushijima arrived and he had already spent fifteen talking himself down.

It was most likely nothing. Well, no, that wasn’t true. Ushijima was going out of his way to come on a day Kuroo knew he’d taken the train back from Miyagi. When he did, he usually preferred to go directly home than to make the detour to Kuroo’s apartment. So it had to be important. But he couldn’t see what Ushijima would want to talk about, and it was driving him absolutely _mad_.

And, of course, there was always a tiny part of him that said that he _knew_ , that he’d noticed Kuroo hadn’t made a single move to get beyond light making out in the six months they’d been together, and that he was going to ask why. And Kuroo had no satisfying answer, really. Not even for himself.

He placed his phone face down between the sink and the burners, got up and started making tea, hoping that having his hands busy would take his mind off this whole thing as well. As far as he knew, nothing bad had happened, or was going to. He repeated it to himself like a mantra, trying to cling to the reassurance the words were supposed to bring.

Ushijima’s knock on the door startled him so bad that he almost spilled the boiling water all over himself. He let a string of curses fly out of his mouth and pushed the teapot back upright, before hurrying to cross his room and open the door. He hadn’t been able to focus on tidying up, but Ushijima had seen it in worse states anyway.

“Hey,” Kuroo said, trying on a smile.

Ushijima bent down and left a light kiss on his lips, and despite the anxiety clawing at him, Kuroo relaxed under the familiar gentle touch.

“Sorry I was so long,” Ushijima apologized, taking off his shoes. “There were a lot of people at the station.”

“It’s alright, I had nothing planned anyway,” Kuroo shrugged, closing the door behind his boyfriend.

They stepped inside together, and as Kuroo went to finish making the tea, Ushijima stood still. Kuroo noticed only when he looked up, and frowned. They’d been used to be in each others’ space before they’d even started dating, and Ushijima acted with the same level of comfort as if they’d been in his own apartment. Usually.

“You can sit, I’m coming,” Kuroo said, holding up two steaming mugs, and Ushijima gave him a jerky nod.

He sat at the table and folded his hands on it, looking everywhere but at Kuroo. This was starting to be worrying, if Kuroo was honest with himself, which he really wanted to avoid right now. He studied Ushijima as he sat next to him, but couldn’t guess much more than that he looked nervous.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked, softly, knocking their knees together.

Ushijima inhaled sharply, and Kuroo wasn’t sure if it was because of his question or because of the physical contact. He took the mug Kuroo had set down in front of him and turned it between his hands, like he was looking for something in the amber-colored tea.

“There’s… something I need to talk about with you,” Ushijima started, eyes fixed on his mug. “I should have mentioned it before, but...”

His grip tightened to the point his knuckles went white, and Kuroo took Ushijima’s hands between his before he could break the poor mug.

“Hey, it’s alright. You can tell me. I’m not going to hate you.”

“No, but you might not want to stay with me,” Ushijima replied.

Kuroo almost let him go with the shock. Ushijima’s voice was hoarse, and he still hadn’t looked Kuroo in the eyes. There was a moment of silence, and Kuroo slid his hand on Ushijima’s cheek, reaching for the back of his head to make him look up. Ushijima didn’t resist, but his eyes were circled with lines of worry, and Kuroo forgot his own apprehension.

He let his fingers start to trace circles in Ushijima’s skin, just below his hair. He couldn’t find any words to help make the atmosphere less tense, any joke that wouldn’t ring terribly false. “Take your time,” he said instead, and kept his fingers moving, as much to try to soothe Ushijima as to ground himself.

“Alright,” Ushijima nodded, and Kuroo let his hand fall to give him space. He could feel Ushijima shaking under his other hand, still gripping Ushijima’s. “I should have told you months ago, but I didn’t know how. I’m asexual.”

Ushijima’s posture became straighter, like he refused to be sorry now that the words had come out, and Kuroo would have been happy to see him more assured, more like himself again, if he wasn’t so confused.

“Babe, I’m sorry but I have no idea what that means,” he admitted, offering Ushijima an apologetic grimace.

“It means I do not experience sexual attraction,” Ushijima clarified. “To anyone. I don’t want to have sex with anybody. To be honest, most of the time, even just the _idea_ is…unpleasant.”

He wasn’t shaking anymore, and he met Kuroo’s eyes without hesitation this time, but after a minute with no answer, Ushijima started to tense again.

“Tetsurou?”

“It’s an actual thing?” Kuroo murmured.

Ushijima made a vague hand gesture toward himself. “Obviously?”

“Oh.”

Kuroo was trying to remember how to breathe. It wasn’t an easy task, when you were having a mind-blowing revelation at the same time. He took back his hands and didn’t notice the look of hurt on Ushijima’s face, because he was busy taking the rest in. He tried to put his fists on his thighs and lean on them, carefully, because he felt like he was going to fall.

“You mean it’s not just me?” he asked, out of breath.

There was a flash of understanding in Ushijima’s eyes, and it was his turn to cover Kuroo’s hands with his, calm where Kuroo was febrile.

“Not just you?” he repeated.

“I thought I was just…late, or something,” Kuroo whispered. He couldn’t speak any louder, his throat was threatening to close up. “Or that it was always taken out of proportion, in books and movies and even when, like, Bokuto is talking about it, because it’s _Bokuto_ , and–”

His voice broke, but Ushijima was here to catch him before anything else could break too. He felt himself wrapped in a warm embrace.

“It’s okay,” Ushijima murmured in his ear. “It’s okay.”

Kuroo nodded and hugged Ushijima closer, burying his face in his shoulder. He could feel Ushijima’s chest rise and fall against his, and he tried to follow his rhythm as Ushijima whispered soothing words, rubbing his back. Kuroo couldn’t stop the first few tears even when he blinked furiously.

“Shit,” he mumbled, words half lost in Ushijima’s shirt. “’m sorry.”

He felt Ushijima nod, and they stayed like this a little more. Kuroo could smell Ushijima, a mix of pine trees and fresh laundry. When he pulled back, it was only a little, at first, and he let his forehead rest on his boyfriend’s chest. He closed his eyes and breathed once, twice, to make sure he wasn’t going to cry again. Then he sat up, still half in Ushijima’s lap and gave him his best grin.

“And to think I was afraid you were coming to tell me we should break up because I didn’t want to have sex.”

Ushijima smiled, and his eyes were softened by the same tenderness that Kuroo could feel for him in every single bone of his body.

“And I thought you were going to tell me that too,” Ushijima admitted. “It looks like we both worried for nothing.”

“Better than that be right.”

Ushijima hummed in agreement, letting his hands rest on Kuroo’s hips. The touch wasn’t unusual, and it had never bothered Kuroo, even when he thought it would eventually lead to something else, but still. It felt different – better. He couldn’t help but peck Ushijima on the mouth, just to feel his smile under his lips.

“Since we’re on the subject of secrets, can you think of anything else to tell me, just in case?” Kuroo teased.

“Huh,” Ushijima cocked his head, as if he was thinking about it. “I’m planning on becoming a farmer.”

Kuroo threw his head back to laugh, then looked at Ushijima’s absolutely straight face. “I knew that already, country boy. You know that’s not in my plans.”

“You shouldn’t let your fear of animals bigger than a small dog get in the way,” Ushijima replied, squeezing lightly where he was still holding Kuroo.

“First, I’m not scared, I can handle big dogs just fine. Second, that donkey yelled right in my ear, I was justified,” Kuroo protested – not for the first time, far from it – before crossing his arms and huffing. “And you didn’t have to laugh like that.”

“No donkey, then,” Ushijima said, leaning back on his hands. Like this, Kuroo was a little higher, still perched on his thighs.

“You’re on your way to an acceptable compromise,” Kuroo smirked.

“We still have a few years to find a better one.”

“True.”

Ushijima shook his head fondly.

“And _you_? Do you have anything else you want to talk about?”

“Hmmm. I’m going to go chase aliens with Oikawa.”

Ushijima snorted.

“He isn’t as obsessed with aliens as you like to make it sound.”

“Yeah, but it’s so much fun to make him complain about it,” Kuroo pointed out, amused. “How do you know anyway? I thought he was still pretending he doesn’t want to talk to you.”

“He seems to get over it pretty fast when you’re too unbearable and he needs to flee. He knows he has a compassionate ear in me,” Ushijima said, almost deadpan, though he couldn’t quite stop a corner of his mouth from tugging upwards.

“Complain all you want, you’re still the one who asked me out,” Kuroo pointed out. “ _And_ who just said we still have _years_ together.”

Ushijima smiled almost defiantly, like he was daring Kuroo to contradict him, and Kuroo had to resist the urge to tackle him and smother him in kisses. Instead, he took the time to drink from his mug, now filled with lukewarm tea. He grimaced when he took a sip and got up, careful not to step on Ushijima, to throw away the content of both of their mugs in the sink. Ushijima stood up when his thighs were finally freed and stretched, filling Kuroo’s apartment with his soft noises and tranquil presence.

Kuroo rinsed the mugs, put them down, and felt like the world was spinning around him. He braced himself against the sink, and realized he was overwhelmingly relieved. He would be okay, and Ushijima wasn’t going to leave him, and he was…

He wasn’t the only one. He wasn’t alone, he wasn’t some kind of weird malfunctioning outlier. He formed the word in his mouth, tasted it on his tongue in the faintest sigh. He was asexual.

He’d never thought a single word would change things like this.

When he looked up, Ushijima was next to him, leaning against the kitchen counter and watching him. Kuroo managed a smile, a sincere one, this time.

“You’ll have to tell me more about this. The asexuality thing,” he said.

“Whenever you want.”

“Later. Tomorrow.” He bit his lip. “Do you want to stay here tonight?”

He’d almost come to dread asking this, recently, the passing time weighing on his mind, telling him he was getting closer from an invisible obstacle. They’d slept together before, but it was mostly afternoon naps, or just being too tired to drag themselves to their own apartment after a tiring day or a party. Kuroo hadn’t stayed, or asked Ushijima to stay, deliberately, in at least two months.

Somehow, Ushijima must have understood everything the question meant. He looked softly at Kuroo for a handful of seconds, and then nodded. Kuroo released the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, and the last of the tension in his body vanished.

“That would be my pleasure,” Ushijima smiled.

“And here I thought I was, and I’m quoting you, unbearable,” Kuroo reminded him.

“You’re cute when you’re asleep.”

“Excuse you, I’m cute all the time.”

Kuroo grinned at Ushijima’s mock eyeroll, a gesture he’d taken from their time together, while sliding his hand around his boyfriend’s waist.

“If I agree, do I get something?” Ushijima asked, letting himself be led away from the kitchen.

“My undying and eternal love and affection.”

“I thought I already had those.”

Kuroo tried to look away, but he was pretty sure Ushijima wouldn’t miss the blush creeping on his face.

“Yes,” he replied quietly. “You do.”  


**Author's Note:**

> a [tumblr post](http://asexualkurootetsurou.tumblr.com/post/152584482159) for those of you who might want to reblog it, and again, go check [the rest of the zine](http://enterprisecaptainoikawa.tumblr.com/post/152558830093/aanth-an-aromanticasexualnonbinarytrans)!


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